


You're Not Worthless

by NobodyOfficial



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Ace kevin, Cuddling, Fluff, Insecurity, Little bit of angst, M/M, Tumblr Prompt, connor accidentally freaks Arnold out, little bit of background arnaba but not enough to tag as a ship, my poor boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-23 01:05:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11392134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NobodyOfficial/pseuds/NobodyOfficial
Summary: After a misunderstanding in a whispered conversation with Kevin, Connor decides he doesn't want to hear about his problems anymore, so tries to fix them by having a conversation with Arnold. However that only leaves Connor feeling empty and Arnold feeling stressed.





	You're Not Worthless

**Author's Note:**

> This hasn't been edited yet because a poor tumblr anon has been waiting like two days for this absolute shit, I'm so sorry.
> 
> Heads up for some hardcore cuddling (this is not a metaphor, my ace boy loves cuddling his boyfriend) and insecurity.

Connor nestled his head under Kevin's chin and sighed contentedly. They had persuaded Chris and Arnold to have a sleepover so that they could spend the night together. Nothing sexual, of course, but Connor equally enjoyed the feeling of being enveloped in Kevin's warmth. Rarely did they get to spend time together intimately, so Connor was looking forward to waking up tomorrow next to his boyfriend for the first time.

"Hey Kevin," Connor whispered, a thought suddenly flitting across his mind, "Do you really like me?"

"What do you mean?" Kevin shifted on to his side, slipping Connor's head on to his arm. "Of course I like you. I love you, Connor."

"Mm, I love you too. But you're great." He admired Kevin's warm features in the cold light. "I feel like I'm a bit of a fake. I've been lying my whole life, I'm still figuring out who I am."

"Don't worry." Kevin buried his face in Connor's hair. "I like what you've figured out so far."

Connor nodded, understanding the sentiment but still unsure. "Thanks. I just feel a bit... Worthless? I don't know." He shrugged and snuggled down next to Kevin, prepared to go to sleep.

"Woah, woah!" Kevin was clearly not ready to do the same. "Don't say that. Stop saying you're worthless, because you're not. You're amazing-"

He continued to whisper softly to Connor, but he wasn't listening anymore. Kevin didn't want to hear him complain about himself, so he'd just have to make himself better. By the next time they'd have this conversation Connor would be perfect.

~

When Arnold returned to the centre Connor was curled up on the sofa with an untouched, rapidly melting tub of ice cream. He wasn't crying, but his eyes were narrowed and his cheeks red as if he was just about to. Frowning with worry, Arnold leaned over the back of the sofa and asked, "What's wrong?"

"Oh." Connor looked up at him and offered an emotionless smile. "Hello Elder Cunningham."

Arnold began to climb clumsily over the back of the sofa. "You look sad." He flopped down beside Connor then rolled over on to his back. "Wanna talk?"

Connor waved a hand dismissively. "It's nothing really, Elder. Probably something I have to work out on my own." He looked down at the melting ice cream.

"You always talk to us about our problems." Arnold folded his legs beneath him in a meditative position. "I don't mind." He didn't mention that he usually threw Connor's advice to the wind in the heat of the moment, but he didn't need to know that.

"Ok." Connor nodded, "Maybe you can help. You're a lot more..." he chose his words carefully, "Confident than when you arrived."

Arnold nodded vigorously, then, just to emphasise his point, dramatically flipped his hair off his forehead. Connor chuckled and Arnold felt a swell of pride. He'd taken to the district leader immediately, impressed with his enthusiasm and tap skills. And turns out when he wasn't bossing them around or instructing them to 'turn it off' he was even more fun. He had a lot of time for Arnold that most people couldn't seem to muster and he appreciated it.

"Well, I was talking to Kevin last night," Connor began nervously, "And he just doesn't seem very fond of my... Self depreciating attitude. How do I make him think I'm more confident in myself?"

"What do you mean?" Arnold unfolded his legs again; it felt too much like yoga. He'd never liked yoga.

"Something like... I've spent so much time lying about myself, how do I know what I'm really like? I feel fake. You used to lie all the time, how do you deal with that? Knowing that some people believe totally incorrect things about you?" Connor waited patiently for his answer, wide eyes and eager.

"Oh," Arnold said softly. "I'd never really thought about that. That's... That's umm..." His entire relationship with Nabulungi was based on lies. She'd only listened to him because of the fake Mormon stories he'd told. In fact, the whole village and all the elders only listened to him because of the lies he made up. Did anyone actually like him? Or did they just like the lies he told?

Shaking his head, he pushed away the thought and focused his attention back on Connor. He was here to help him, not worry about himself.

"Or don't you ever worry if people find you attractive?" Connor continued. He looked over at Arnold then shook his head. "No, of course _you_ don't. But you've seen Kevin, he's stunning. I just worry I'm not good enough." He shyly brushed a hand over his freckled cheek.

Arnold didn't think Connor had anything to worry about there. As well as being attractive he had a sweet, boy-next-door kind of smile that would endear anyone to him. However Arnold hadn't even considered if Nabulungi found him attractive or not. He'd simply taken into account that he liked her and she liked him back and assumed that was all the mattered. Did she find him attractive? He poked experimentally at his soft cheeks. No one had ever said he was attractive, but he'd been called cute, and that was close, right? What if she didn't find him attractive? Did that mean anything? He squirmed uncomfortably.

"And, and sometimes," Connor said, "I just don't know what to say. I want to talk about something Kevin will be interested in, but I don't always know what that is. It's like... I feel selfish when I'm just talking about something I like, you know Elder?"

He did not know. Arnold always just talked about things he was interested in. If other people didn't want to talk they didn't have to. Were they just humouring him? He really struggled with general conversation and was grateful when everyone in Uganda seemed happy to talk about his interests. Did they hate him? He felt sweaty. Was it hot?

Connor shrugged lightly. "Oh well. I don't know. Thanks anyway Elder, you're a really good listener."

Arnold reached out and took the ice cream from Connor. "I think I need this," he said in a strained voice. Time to cry and reevaluate everything he knew.

~

"Hey Kevin." He was sitting outside with a book, looking glorious and flawless in the evening sun.

"Oh, hey." He smiled up at Connor.

"I think I broke Arnold." Connor crossed his legs and rested his head tentatively against Kevin's shoulder.

"Why?"

"I was just trying to be less... I don't know, insecure? So I asked Arnold how he did it. I think I just made him upset," Connor sighed. He failed to mention how it had only made him feel worse about himself; Kevin wouldn't want to hear that.

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. You can always talk to me." Kevin's smile was genuine, and he gently wrapped an arm around Connor's shoulders.

Connor, although enjoying the closeness, frowned. "But last night you said to stop saying-"

"No, no," Kevin interrupted quickly. "When I said that I didn't mean I don't want to hear about your problems. I meant you shouldn't have to worry about them so much. I was trying to reassure you. To say I love you. I'm sorry if it didn't come across that way."

Relieved, Connor nuzzled his face into Kevin's neck. He didn't want to say anything, he was content with Kevin's confession. Suddenly all the things he'd been worrying about didn't seem quite so important. "We should go and talk to Arnold though. I might've scared him," he murmured.

"Of course." Kevin kissed him on the forehead. "As long as you're ok."

"I'm fine. I know I can talk to you now, and that makes everything less intense," Connor said. And that was true. As they walked hand in hand back towards the centre Connor's worries seemed less important and the steady warmth of Kevin's hand more intense than ever.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, I just didn't feel particularly inspired by this one prompt. It's shorter than the others and just really, really bad. I'm so sorry.
> 
> Tumblr: everyonewholovesmehasdied
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
